Working Man
Prayer of a Working Man
I am exhausted, Lord
weary to shaking
sick in my guts
and beyond thinking
I gave everything to this
but it was not enough
I listened
I took notes
I studied
and I got it wrong
not just not good enough
not just too slow
dead wrong
my little kernel of self esteem feels smashed open
and drained away
Am I a fool to hope I can do this job?
Should I just face the fact
that I am not good enough
and never was
always was a failure
who had big ideas
but was never really competent
at anything
and leave the snide remarks behind
forget the foolishness of trying to do well
while others lie and whinge
and are lazy
but I cannot walk out
or there will be no pay
and then no food
no house... I dare not think
but how long, Lord, can I go in this
carrying m screaming soul home
struggling reluctantly back in the mornings
burdened with family worries as well
let me lie out on the path and
look up to the stars
let me feel you there around me
in the warm dark night
but I need remaking first
© Jan Thomas
